This is already getting difficult. Hmmm... what 3 positive things can I come up with for today?
1. Well, for one I was just working on a budget for me and the bf. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I started. This is something that I've known I needed to work on, but I've been avoiding it. Most of all I do not want to face the credit card debt. I don't want to know how much I owe, how much interest I'm paying, or how long it will take to pay them off. I also don't want to think about what I have to give up in order to pay down this debt. But now that I'm starting to face reality, I can do something about it.
2. I went to spin (flag) practice tonight. This shouldn't be a chore but for me it is. I hate practicing! It doesn't matter what it is, I hate it. I love performing at parades and other things, but I hate going to practice. I don't know how else you can learn something without practice, but if I could ever figure that out ... Anyway, It's a positive that I showed up, almost on time even.
3. I did some organizing at work - some info into a binder and sorted through a pile of papers. It seems so easy, I know, but it has taken me weeks or close to months to get myself to this point. I am far from being done, but just to have started is a great accomplishment. This is something I've been meaning to do for awhile. I think about it all the time but procrastinate like crazy. After these meetings each of the last 2 days when I couldn't figure out what I did with my paperwork, I finally decided today that I need to organize all of this stuff together before my meeting today. It was so nice to have everything together right there in a binder in front of me. This other pile of papers were things I am supposed to QC, but haven't had time for. I put them in order by date, and then cleared out the less important ones so that I can concentrate on the others. I haven't actually started the QC process yet but hopefully tomorrow ...
I guess this isn't the most positive of positive days but hey, I came up with my 3. I'm so tired I need to go to bed. I'll be trying to remind myself tomorrow to do some more positive things.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
it's like a game
I've been having a bit more a rough time today coming up with my 3 positive things, but I think I finally came up with a few:
1. I made it to court (as a CASA volunteer) for my newest case. Of course it was a continuance, but hey, I made it. I was able to chat with some of the people involved in the case so I got some first hand information, which is always good. Just making it there was a feat for me, as I have been slacking lately with my responsibilities as a GAL. But new starts and a clean slate always seem to get me back on track, so whatever it takes.
2. I handed in my paperwork for my recently closed case. This is an unbelievable accomplishment if you know anything about me. I have this issue with paper. That issue is that it is everywhere. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to it because there is just so much of it. So when I take notes, they get put somewhere and then lost, and found, and lost again, and found, and so on. What's amazing is that for the most part all of my CASA papers are together in just a few spots. That made it a little easier and this morning I took ALL of my CASA paperwork that I could find, and then sorted through it when I got to court. I put all of the specific case papers together and then handed them in. And only a little over a month after the case closed. That to me is amazing. Don't get me wrong, those papers were a mess, and I hope that nobody else has to take on that case and weed through the disorganized craziness that I left, but they were turned in!! That is a huge weight off my shoulders. Makes me feel good.
3. I avoided drinking any soda today. These days that's a rare thing since I seem to get stressed or bored and decide I need something carbonated, sugared, and/or caffeinated. The most ridiculous part is that I can rarely finish it anymore because it just doesn't taste that good. Yet, I still drink it almost every day. Today I almost broke down, I walked over to the cooler thingy at the store at work, but they didn't have dr. pepper which is what I really wanted. I thought about getting pepsi, but just as I was walking in I heard someone say to another person - I've seen all that money you used to drop on soda - or something to that effect. Well, since I had just done a web teleconference about money management that comment (and the fact that there was no dp) was enough to make me walk away. I'm proud of myself for that. The more I avoid it, the less I will want it (and maybe it will help me lose some weight!).
I've realized already that this positive thinking thing is hard, but also kind of fun. If I can't think of 3 obvious things it almost becomes like a game where I'm trying to come up with something positive to do. After all, the list wouldn't be the same if it was any number other than 3. Or so my OCD brain says...
1. I made it to court (as a CASA volunteer) for my newest case. Of course it was a continuance, but hey, I made it. I was able to chat with some of the people involved in the case so I got some first hand information, which is always good. Just making it there was a feat for me, as I have been slacking lately with my responsibilities as a GAL. But new starts and a clean slate always seem to get me back on track, so whatever it takes.
2. I handed in my paperwork for my recently closed case. This is an unbelievable accomplishment if you know anything about me. I have this issue with paper. That issue is that it is everywhere. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to it because there is just so much of it. So when I take notes, they get put somewhere and then lost, and found, and lost again, and found, and so on. What's amazing is that for the most part all of my CASA papers are together in just a few spots. That made it a little easier and this morning I took ALL of my CASA paperwork that I could find, and then sorted through it when I got to court. I put all of the specific case papers together and then handed them in. And only a little over a month after the case closed. That to me is amazing. Don't get me wrong, those papers were a mess, and I hope that nobody else has to take on that case and weed through the disorganized craziness that I left, but they were turned in!! That is a huge weight off my shoulders. Makes me feel good.
3. I avoided drinking any soda today. These days that's a rare thing since I seem to get stressed or bored and decide I need something carbonated, sugared, and/or caffeinated. The most ridiculous part is that I can rarely finish it anymore because it just doesn't taste that good. Yet, I still drink it almost every day. Today I almost broke down, I walked over to the cooler thingy at the store at work, but they didn't have dr. pepper which is what I really wanted. I thought about getting pepsi, but just as I was walking in I heard someone say to another person - I've seen all that money you used to drop on soda - or something to that effect. Well, since I had just done a web teleconference about money management that comment (and the fact that there was no dp) was enough to make me walk away. I'm proud of myself for that. The more I avoid it, the less I will want it (and maybe it will help me lose some weight!).
I've realized already that this positive thinking thing is hard, but also kind of fun. If I can't think of 3 obvious things it almost becomes like a game where I'm trying to come up with something positive to do. After all, the list wouldn't be the same if it was any number other than 3. Or so my OCD brain says...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
3 positive things
I think it's time for me to pay more attention to myself and how I can be a better self. So today I called into this teleconference about ADHD and self-esteem. Very interesting, especially because it's so nice to hear from other people who have the same issues as I do. I feel like they understand me, and that's not something I get often around here. I mean, they really get me, because as they talk about themselves or others with ADHD they are talking about me! I feel so relaxed after listening in. So now one of the things that I know I need to work on is positive thinking. Instead of focusing so much on the negative things, I need to realize that one negative doesn't make all negative. One of the ideas from this call was to write down 3 good things that happened today and why they went well. Not really a new concept but I like the idea that it helps me look at what I can control. So what are my 3 things that went well today ...
1: walkNationwide. I signed up, gave my $10 for my favorite non-profit, and walked 3 miles. It went well because I did something good for someone else, and I did something good for me. I could have just decided not to walk because the sky was threatening rain. It even started sprinkling before we started. I could have walked the easy 1 mile, or around the block, or any short distance I wanted to. But, I need the exercise, I had good company and I went ahead with the walk. It was a good feeling. Plus I wore the t-shirt at work, so everyone knew that I was doing this good thing. That always makes a person feel good.
2: I emptied the dishwasher, re-loaded and washed the next load. It may not seem like alot to the average person, but for me, it was a huge accomplishment. I live in a household full of adhd'ers so it is difficult to start/finish anything and it is extremely difficult to keep the house clean. Our sink and counters are always piled up with dirty dishes, and the dishwasher will sit for a week or more with clean dishes in it, until one of us can't take it anymore. Well today I took control and emptied the dishwasher and started the new load all in the same time period. Go me!
3: I wrote in my blog (see, right here, I'm writing in my blog). I actually started the computer, logged in and started typing. I otherwise have that avoidance issue where, I haven't done something in awhile so I just quit. I avoid and avoid until I decide to start over and then I feel guilty. Well, I may be starting over, but I started over today! I could have waited until tomorrow. But I didn't, so that is an accomplishment!
There it is, I came up with 3 positive things and why they went well. This does make me feel better. I think I will go eat some ice cream and then go to bed, smiling. ;o)
1: walkNationwide. I signed up, gave my $10 for my favorite non-profit, and walked 3 miles. It went well because I did something good for someone else, and I did something good for me. I could have just decided not to walk because the sky was threatening rain. It even started sprinkling before we started. I could have walked the easy 1 mile, or around the block, or any short distance I wanted to. But, I need the exercise, I had good company and I went ahead with the walk. It was a good feeling. Plus I wore the t-shirt at work, so everyone knew that I was doing this good thing. That always makes a person feel good.
2: I emptied the dishwasher, re-loaded and washed the next load. It may not seem like alot to the average person, but for me, it was a huge accomplishment. I live in a household full of adhd'ers so it is difficult to start/finish anything and it is extremely difficult to keep the house clean. Our sink and counters are always piled up with dirty dishes, and the dishwasher will sit for a week or more with clean dishes in it, until one of us can't take it anymore. Well today I took control and emptied the dishwasher and started the new load all in the same time period. Go me!
3: I wrote in my blog (see, right here, I'm writing in my blog). I actually started the computer, logged in and started typing. I otherwise have that avoidance issue where, I haven't done something in awhile so I just quit. I avoid and avoid until I decide to start over and then I feel guilty. Well, I may be starting over, but I started over today! I could have waited until tomorrow. But I didn't, so that is an accomplishment!
There it is, I came up with 3 positive things and why they went well. This does make me feel better. I think I will go eat some ice cream and then go to bed, smiling. ;o)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Cable or Satellite? Who sucks the least? Help, please.
Can someone please tell me where I can find a decent cable/satellite company?!?! Does it even exist? Seriously, when I had Time Warner I was just fine, even though there were so few HD channels. At least everything else about them seemed fine. Well, unfortunately, since I’ve moved we no longer have Time Warner as an option. So, let’s go over the lovely experiences I’ve had since said move.
DirecTV – We were so excited (me and the bf), we planned ahead well in advance and ordered our service, including the NFL Sunday Ticket. WooHoo! I could not wait to be able to watch the Vikings every Sunday! I should have known to hang up when the girl I placed the order with was completely clueless. Oh well, I just figured I’d call back later to make corrections with someone who actually had a clue. No less than 15 calls later over the course of a few weeks and we cancelled the service – we never even had it installed!! They screwed up our installation dates and couldn’t fix them. It’s now the day before our move, and 2 days before our scheduled installation. It was the absolute worst customer service I’ve ever experienced. Basically, the company has a monopoly with the NFL games so they apparently feel that they don’t need to have good customer service. People will go with their service just because they want the football. Fair enough, I’ve written them off. If that’s the type of service they offer before I’m even a customer, it’s not worth it to me. Even if that means I have to miss most of the Vikes games.
Insight cable – We called the guy at Insight who works with our apartment complex and he was ready to hook us up with the first month free, and we can get an installation in 2 days, when our original DirecTV was supposed to be. But, there was a problem. Since the bf called first and supposedly owes them money from 10+ years ago, they put a freeze on this address and I was unable to order in my own name. I don’t owe them any freakin’ money and I’m not married so why can’t I get this service? So the guy tells us to call the regular number and order service as though you never talked to me, you may be able to get it with no problems. It worked, I was able to order and get an installation 2 days later. Now when we call the other guy back he says he can’t give us the free month deal anymore, we have to go with whatever they gave us. And yet, he convinced them to give him credit since it should have been his sale. Whatever, at least we have cable and internet when we move in. We were never satisfied with the service. Maybe they were little things but they were annoying and they added up. For instance, every time you turn the cable box on it goes to this stupid channel 1 Insight channel that has a little message about what channel a game is on. We could never figure out how to get the box to turn on automatically to a specific channel or to the last channel we were on. And once the box was turned on, it took forever to be able to change the channel from that dumb channel 1. It was like the remote had to “warm up” first or something. Picture-in-Picture didn’t work. The option was on the remote but if the TV didn’t have it, they didn’t offer the service. Annoying. It worked just fine with Time Warner. The DVR would randomly not record shows that we had set to record. And then there was the low number of HD channels, and the $8/mo for 4 of them. Supposedly there were many more coming, but when? Plus the HD DVR boxes, of which we had 2, were something like $15/mo each. Ridiculous. Like I said, we just never liked their service so we decided to finally move on to something else.
AT&T U-Verse – Yes, it’s finally available in our area!! We’ve been waiting and waiting and were about to go with something else and then, Ta da!! Cool. We placed the order for 3 weeks out, but with our luck, we decided to wait on cancelling the Insight until after installation. The guy came out and started the process of installing, although he wasn’t able to get a signal and had to come out and have someone else double check. Once the 2nd guy came out and confirmed, that was it, we were too far away from the box to get the signal. So even though we technically have the service in our area, we can’t get it because the signal wasn’t strong enough to reach us. Now we’ll never really be able to tell if it’s available to us at some point. Apparently the further away from the box, the less TV’s you’ll be able to watch HD channels on simultaneously too. Okay then, good thing we didn’t disconnect our cable TV first.
Dish Network – After some debate and discussion, we went with Dish Network (the bf really wanted to go with DirecTV whom I will forever hate). First of all, someone didn’t do his homework because had we known that we could not get local channels in HD we would have never signed a 2 year contract with them. I consider that to be not my fault. For now, we can get locals in HD through the box with the rabbit ears, but that won’t last once the digital thing starts. I don’t know what we’ll do then. Second of all, our remote stopped working within an hour after the technician left. I called and chatted online with their customer service people who, mind you, were actually quite nice and attempted to be helpful. They tried and tried to get our remote to work but no dice. They had to send us a new one. Great first day experience!! The next day the remote started working again and then stopped. We got the new remote and it worked at first, then stopped. The remote will then randomly begin working again. We have experienced this every single day for the entire time we’ve had this service. There are times when we just decide to change the box to single mode and use the remote from the 2nd TV to control the box and we just watch the same thing on both TV’s. I mean, seriously, who wants to talk to customer service every day. So I finally called again today (which is what prompted me to write this). First the guy told me that it sounded like a receiver issue, so he requested a new receiver for us. In the process, he checked for known issues for this particular box. Sure enough, there is some sort of signal crossing with this receiver and some LCD TV’s. His solution is to send us a new remote that uses the UHF signal. Supposedly, it should work to have 2 UHF remotes with the same receiver. We shall see once we receive it. But, our new problem is that we just got a fancy new remote that will not work with a UHF signal. Not that I care, but the bf certainly does. If the new remote doesn’t work we are supposed to get a new receiver. I doubt that will help us at all, since this is a known issue that occurs with “some” LCD TV’s. Right. Where is this disclosure in our contract?
I’m not sure what to do. I certainly don’t want to stay with a company that has such poor performance, but what is the better of all the evils? Plus now we’re locked into this 2 year contract and I don’t want to have to pay to get out of it. I guess these are the reasons they make you sign a 2 year deal?!? Because they know they suck, just like DirecTV sucks in the customer service department. Any suggestions? Ideas? Resolutions?
Oh, and to top it off, the week after we called to cancel the Insight service, they added their “up to 60” HD channels. Figures.
DirecTV – We were so excited (me and the bf), we planned ahead well in advance and ordered our service, including the NFL Sunday Ticket. WooHoo! I could not wait to be able to watch the Vikings every Sunday! I should have known to hang up when the girl I placed the order with was completely clueless. Oh well, I just figured I’d call back later to make corrections with someone who actually had a clue. No less than 15 calls later over the course of a few weeks and we cancelled the service – we never even had it installed!! They screwed up our installation dates and couldn’t fix them. It’s now the day before our move, and 2 days before our scheduled installation. It was the absolute worst customer service I’ve ever experienced. Basically, the company has a monopoly with the NFL games so they apparently feel that they don’t need to have good customer service. People will go with their service just because they want the football. Fair enough, I’ve written them off. If that’s the type of service they offer before I’m even a customer, it’s not worth it to me. Even if that means I have to miss most of the Vikes games.
Insight cable – We called the guy at Insight who works with our apartment complex and he was ready to hook us up with the first month free, and we can get an installation in 2 days, when our original DirecTV was supposed to be. But, there was a problem. Since the bf called first and supposedly owes them money from 10+ years ago, they put a freeze on this address and I was unable to order in my own name. I don’t owe them any freakin’ money and I’m not married so why can’t I get this service? So the guy tells us to call the regular number and order service as though you never talked to me, you may be able to get it with no problems. It worked, I was able to order and get an installation 2 days later. Now when we call the other guy back he says he can’t give us the free month deal anymore, we have to go with whatever they gave us. And yet, he convinced them to give him credit since it should have been his sale. Whatever, at least we have cable and internet when we move in. We were never satisfied with the service. Maybe they were little things but they were annoying and they added up. For instance, every time you turn the cable box on it goes to this stupid channel 1 Insight channel that has a little message about what channel a game is on. We could never figure out how to get the box to turn on automatically to a specific channel or to the last channel we were on. And once the box was turned on, it took forever to be able to change the channel from that dumb channel 1. It was like the remote had to “warm up” first or something. Picture-in-Picture didn’t work. The option was on the remote but if the TV didn’t have it, they didn’t offer the service. Annoying. It worked just fine with Time Warner. The DVR would randomly not record shows that we had set to record. And then there was the low number of HD channels, and the $8/mo for 4 of them. Supposedly there were many more coming, but when? Plus the HD DVR boxes, of which we had 2, were something like $15/mo each. Ridiculous. Like I said, we just never liked their service so we decided to finally move on to something else.
AT&T U-Verse – Yes, it’s finally available in our area!! We’ve been waiting and waiting and were about to go with something else and then, Ta da!! Cool. We placed the order for 3 weeks out, but with our luck, we decided to wait on cancelling the Insight until after installation. The guy came out and started the process of installing, although he wasn’t able to get a signal and had to come out and have someone else double check. Once the 2nd guy came out and confirmed, that was it, we were too far away from the box to get the signal. So even though we technically have the service in our area, we can’t get it because the signal wasn’t strong enough to reach us. Now we’ll never really be able to tell if it’s available to us at some point. Apparently the further away from the box, the less TV’s you’ll be able to watch HD channels on simultaneously too. Okay then, good thing we didn’t disconnect our cable TV first.
Dish Network – After some debate and discussion, we went with Dish Network (the bf really wanted to go with DirecTV whom I will forever hate). First of all, someone didn’t do his homework because had we known that we could not get local channels in HD we would have never signed a 2 year contract with them. I consider that to be not my fault. For now, we can get locals in HD through the box with the rabbit ears, but that won’t last once the digital thing starts. I don’t know what we’ll do then. Second of all, our remote stopped working within an hour after the technician left. I called and chatted online with their customer service people who, mind you, were actually quite nice and attempted to be helpful. They tried and tried to get our remote to work but no dice. They had to send us a new one. Great first day experience!! The next day the remote started working again and then stopped. We got the new remote and it worked at first, then stopped. The remote will then randomly begin working again. We have experienced this every single day for the entire time we’ve had this service. There are times when we just decide to change the box to single mode and use the remote from the 2nd TV to control the box and we just watch the same thing on both TV’s. I mean, seriously, who wants to talk to customer service every day. So I finally called again today (which is what prompted me to write this). First the guy told me that it sounded like a receiver issue, so he requested a new receiver for us. In the process, he checked for known issues for this particular box. Sure enough, there is some sort of signal crossing with this receiver and some LCD TV’s. His solution is to send us a new remote that uses the UHF signal. Supposedly, it should work to have 2 UHF remotes with the same receiver. We shall see once we receive it. But, our new problem is that we just got a fancy new remote that will not work with a UHF signal. Not that I care, but the bf certainly does. If the new remote doesn’t work we are supposed to get a new receiver. I doubt that will help us at all, since this is a known issue that occurs with “some” LCD TV’s. Right. Where is this disclosure in our contract?
I’m not sure what to do. I certainly don’t want to stay with a company that has such poor performance, but what is the better of all the evils? Plus now we’re locked into this 2 year contract and I don’t want to have to pay to get out of it. I guess these are the reasons they make you sign a 2 year deal?!? Because they know they suck, just like DirecTV sucks in the customer service department. Any suggestions? Ideas? Resolutions?
Oh, and to top it off, the week after we called to cancel the Insight service, they added their “up to 60” HD channels. Figures.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I hate my job
This is stupid, I need to change directions with this blog thing before I bore myself to sleep.
Have I mentioned lately that I hate my job? I mean literally, seriously hate my job!?! I can come to work in the morning in a good/great, even just an ok mood and by the end of the day I want to punch someone. I feel like the guy from Office Space. I don’t like my job so I’m just not going to go there anymore. Really, why should I stay late and work my ass off and get nothing for it, when I can just get by with the bare minimum and suffer no consequences for it? Bad Karma, I know, but other than that what’s the point? At least when I felt appreciated I actually got something out of it. Now, I feel like nobody really gives a shit either way. In the end I know they just see it as me being a cry baby that won’t shut up about wanting a laptop. That’s fine though, that just proves to me that they really don’t understand how freakin’ hard I work (ummm worked) for them and how much more productive I would be if I could take my work home when necessary. I’m done with those days of staying late to get everything done. I mean once in awhile it’s fine, but when it happens every week it gets a little old. I am now at a point where I feel I will never catch up, so why even try? It just makes me more angry and frustrated when I’m at the end of the day with a list of things to do that does not include the 100’s of emails in my inbox that I still need to weed through. It’s a joke, it truly is. That’s why I can smile when I say I hate my job! It’s so sad it’s funny! If only the management actually cared …
Have I mentioned lately that I hate my job? I mean literally, seriously hate my job!?! I can come to work in the morning in a good/great, even just an ok mood and by the end of the day I want to punch someone. I feel like the guy from Office Space. I don’t like my job so I’m just not going to go there anymore. Really, why should I stay late and work my ass off and get nothing for it, when I can just get by with the bare minimum and suffer no consequences for it? Bad Karma, I know, but other than that what’s the point? At least when I felt appreciated I actually got something out of it. Now, I feel like nobody really gives a shit either way. In the end I know they just see it as me being a cry baby that won’t shut up about wanting a laptop. That’s fine though, that just proves to me that they really don’t understand how freakin’ hard I work (ummm worked) for them and how much more productive I would be if I could take my work home when necessary. I’m done with those days of staying late to get everything done. I mean once in awhile it’s fine, but when it happens every week it gets a little old. I am now at a point where I feel I will never catch up, so why even try? It just makes me more angry and frustrated when I’m at the end of the day with a list of things to do that does not include the 100’s of emails in my inbox that I still need to weed through. It’s a joke, it truly is. That’s why I can smile when I say I hate my job! It’s so sad it’s funny! If only the management actually cared …
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Doctors visits are no fun
I’ve got my appointment with the psychologist today. I always feel like he’s going to yell at me for not doing something that we talked about, or for rescheduling my appointments and not coming in for several weeks. I don’t think that’s his job, but he intimidates me. Well, so did the last one and there was nothing intimidating about her. It’s me, I know. I need to get over it. But I have this constant anxiety and it just builds up more and more every time I have to go talk to someone about what’s going on with me. Doesn’t even matter what doc it is, all of them make me nervous. I feel like I’m going to sound stupid or I’m not going to be able to explain things the right way, or they just won’t get it so it’ll be a lost cause. I guess it’s like talking to anyone else who does not experience these same issues. They don’t get it, and then I feel so let down and frustrated. I can take their criticism and ideas and they all sound good, but I already know they won’t work. I’ve tried them all before. It’s more than just trying to do something. I need help. And it needs to come from someone who understands how my mind works and doesn’t put me down or look at me like I’m crazy. Is there such a person? I know there is, I’ve read their books or blogs or articles before. I just can’t afford to pay them to help me out. And why is that? Because I have ADHD and can’t get my $ situation together, because I can’t get organized, because I have no idea how time works, and it goes on and on. I can start one project but then get overwhelmed by how much there is to do. Then I get distracted by something else, and something else and something else. How does one stay on track? How does one learn how to stay on track?
1:51pm: Well that was truly a frustrating experience, although I must say I learned a few things. But, the psychologist was convinced that the psychiatrist I’m supposed to see next week is really a psychologist and so therefore a complete waste of my time to go through all that re-evaluation, etc. So now I’m thinking, what exactly is my primary care doc going to do about meds if her whole point was to send me to a psychiatrist to get a second opinion. Of course I looked online and it seems to be the case that this person really is a psychiatrist (man I hope so!). Although, I’m still not quite sure what the point was since there was no real recommendation provided as far as what changes to be made with medication. Maybe he sent something to the pc doc, who knows. I’m calming down now. That experience almost made me cry.
Other than that I guess I’m supposed to pay some attention to my sleep patterns now too. So, last night, went to be around 10:30, probably fell asleep after 11pm. BF’s son woke us up around 2:30 because his knee hurt, so that was probably a good 30-60 minute interruption before I got back to sleep. Alarms started going off at 6am over and over until 7:30 when I finally got up. So how many hours of sleep does that add up to? Math sucks. 3.5 + 2.5 + 1.5 (very disruptive) = 6-7.5 hours. Wow that’s not enough. No wonder I’m tired all day long.
1:51pm: Well that was truly a frustrating experience, although I must say I learned a few things. But, the psychologist was convinced that the psychiatrist I’m supposed to see next week is really a psychologist and so therefore a complete waste of my time to go through all that re-evaluation, etc. So now I’m thinking, what exactly is my primary care doc going to do about meds if her whole point was to send me to a psychiatrist to get a second opinion. Of course I looked online and it seems to be the case that this person really is a psychiatrist (man I hope so!). Although, I’m still not quite sure what the point was since there was no real recommendation provided as far as what changes to be made with medication. Maybe he sent something to the pc doc, who knows. I’m calming down now. That experience almost made me cry.
Other than that I guess I’m supposed to pay some attention to my sleep patterns now too. So, last night, went to be around 10:30, probably fell asleep after 11pm. BF’s son woke us up around 2:30 because his knee hurt, so that was probably a good 30-60 minute interruption before I got back to sleep. Alarms started going off at 6am over and over until 7:30 when I finally got up. So how many hours of sleep does that add up to? Math sucks. 3.5 + 2.5 + 1.5 (very disruptive) = 6-7.5 hours. Wow that’s not enough. No wonder I’m tired all day long.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Just another not so manic Monday
I got to work way late today. Partially because that’s what I do, partially because traffic was bad, for no apparent reason. I mean, it was backed up and slow for a few miles, and it was already 9am. Shouldn’t these people be at work already? When I got here I was oddly calm, extremely calm. I like that feeling. Then I found out one of my coworkers is out and I have to cover for her. That took some of the calm away. I know it’s my own doing. I start to make myself anxious. Sometimes I think that I don’t know how to function if I’m not nervous or anxious. Does that even make sense? I guess I’ll be talking to the psychologist about this tomorrow, then my regular doc whenever I make that appointment, and then the psychiatrist next week. Maybe I need to try some new meds for the anxiety as well as the ADHD. This is going to be way too fun!! Haha.
12:58pm: Well, the 1 hour 45 minute meeting pretty much ruined my calmness. I shouldn’t say ruined, but the calmness has gone away now. As usual I am tensing up and feeling kind of anxious. I think that my food choices may have a little to do with it though. It is so hard trying to come up with a way to deal with everything all at once, or just one thing at a time. How do I prioritize? What’s most important? Food choices? Organization? Time management? Is it even possible to do one without all of them? They all sort of work off of each other. If I don’t eat well, I have a harder time getting focused, organized, managing my time. If I don’t manage my time I don’t make the right food choices or get organized. If I don’t get organized, I can’t really manage my time or figure out what the good food choices are, etc. It’s this never ending cycle which has no beginning and no end. And when you’ve lived an entire life without knowing how to do any of these things, it’s not exactly easy to just jump right in and start doing them. It has never just dawned on me that, hey, I know how I can organize/manage my time/eat better now! All of the information has always been there. How do I start to process and implement these things into my life when my house is a mess, I have no sense of time, and it’s just easier to eat what’s quick, convenient, and something I know I like?
So now I’m thinking, I know exactly what the doctors, or at least one of them, are going to say. Maybe you should think about writing down what you eat every day. Then you can see if there’s a pattern to how certain foods affect you. Been there, done that. Doesn’t work. I can barely remember where I put that stupid notebook/pen – because I’d have to write the stuff down at home, as well as at work. Otherwise, I can barely remember to write this journal, let alone what I eat. Okay maybe I can try it, but not until I’ve got this journaling thing down. So many things that I think about, so not enough time on the planet to remember or actually do them.
5:24pm: I have got to switch meds now. I just started reading about Vyvanse and most of the people that switched from Adderall to that one are saying they can feel a difference. I just want something that will last all day. I hope that’s what my doc will prescribe for me. I am ready to try something different before I get so behind at work that I can’t catch up. I know I need to exercise and eat better and get more sleep too, but I need some motivation. I hope the med change will give me that motivation. I’m so sleepy right now, and not getting much done at all, so I think it’s time to go home.
12:58pm: Well, the 1 hour 45 minute meeting pretty much ruined my calmness. I shouldn’t say ruined, but the calmness has gone away now. As usual I am tensing up and feeling kind of anxious. I think that my food choices may have a little to do with it though. It is so hard trying to come up with a way to deal with everything all at once, or just one thing at a time. How do I prioritize? What’s most important? Food choices? Organization? Time management? Is it even possible to do one without all of them? They all sort of work off of each other. If I don’t eat well, I have a harder time getting focused, organized, managing my time. If I don’t manage my time I don’t make the right food choices or get organized. If I don’t get organized, I can’t really manage my time or figure out what the good food choices are, etc. It’s this never ending cycle which has no beginning and no end. And when you’ve lived an entire life without knowing how to do any of these things, it’s not exactly easy to just jump right in and start doing them. It has never just dawned on me that, hey, I know how I can organize/manage my time/eat better now! All of the information has always been there. How do I start to process and implement these things into my life when my house is a mess, I have no sense of time, and it’s just easier to eat what’s quick, convenient, and something I know I like?
So now I’m thinking, I know exactly what the doctors, or at least one of them, are going to say. Maybe you should think about writing down what you eat every day. Then you can see if there’s a pattern to how certain foods affect you. Been there, done that. Doesn’t work. I can barely remember where I put that stupid notebook/pen – because I’d have to write the stuff down at home, as well as at work. Otherwise, I can barely remember to write this journal, let alone what I eat. Okay maybe I can try it, but not until I’ve got this journaling thing down. So many things that I think about, so not enough time on the planet to remember or actually do them.
5:24pm: I have got to switch meds now. I just started reading about Vyvanse and most of the people that switched from Adderall to that one are saying they can feel a difference. I just want something that will last all day. I hope that’s what my doc will prescribe for me. I am ready to try something different before I get so behind at work that I can’t catch up. I know I need to exercise and eat better and get more sleep too, but I need some motivation. I hope the med change will give me that motivation. I’m so sleepy right now, and not getting much done at all, so I think it’s time to go home.
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