Another rough one

9/24/08:

I was feeling pretty good this morning, but now I’m feeling extremely shaky, nervous, and anxious and I can’t figure out why. I’m trying to take deep breaths and calm myself down but it’s not working. I think this would be one of those times when I would immediately go for food but I know I’m not hungry so I have to stop myself from doing that. Instead, I’m drinking lots of water in an attempt to get the same effect that the food would have. It’s not really working though. Releasing tension … deep breathing … closing my eyes … calm down … I suppose I should just keep trying this and not give up so fast. Of course I want immediate results though.

Maybe I did take my adhd meds twice today. I swear I don’t think I did, but my heart still hasn’t stopped beating fast/pounding and it’s now 2:30pm. Even food doesn’t make me feel better. And then of course the more I think about it, the worse it gets. It’s turning into a rough day again. Now that I’m really paying attention to it, I think that multiple meetings which cut up my day (e.g. 10-11, 12-1) have quite the negative effect on my attention span. I mean, maybe that’s something that I can work on, to figure out how I can better manage my day with those expected interruptions. Hmmm, I’ll keep that thought in mind. Right now I have to figure out how to stay on track with all of these things I’ve got on my list today. I keep starting a task and then realizing that I was doing something else, and then realize that I really should be doing something other than that. Then I get distracted by someone or something and the cycle starts itself all over again. Kind of annoying.

Man I cannot focus today. It is taking me forever to do any little thing. Good thing I’m going to the gym so I’ll be forced out of here at a specific time. At least having a deadline might help me stay on task for a few moments at a time to get something done. I hope, anyway.